


Hallende Tanzschritte

by calysto1395



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, M/M, Nicodranas (Critical Role), OCs - Freeform, Pre Caleb Widogast/Fjord, caleb's backstory, tracy - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2019-11-29 09:31:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18221336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calysto1395/pseuds/calysto1395
Summary: Caleb wasn't expecting anyone to recognize him here.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [EchoedMusic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EchoedMusic/gifts).



 

He was about one wrong move away from a panic attack. Thankfully, he remembered every step of this dance with perfect clarity. Caleb had never been able to “feel the rhythm” as Astrid used to say, but hours of practice had drilled the technicalities of dancing into muscle memory. Herding Beauregard in a traditional pattern across a dance floor should be bearable. He liked Beau, enjoyed her company when they weren’t shouting at each other. He despised being in a stolen uniform with a shaved face and combed hair, in the middle of a ballroom full of people.

 

It was a small mercy that the people gathered here were all from Nicodranas, and the chances of anyone recognizing him were slim. Yet his nerves were high strung since Yasha put her blade to his jaw. Not an unreasonable reaction to someone like Yasha putting a sharp sword to a vital part of his body, but unrelated in this particular instance. It was the unnerving prospect of having to wear his real face to a public event, that had safeguards in place to strongly discourage magical disguises.

 

“I hate this,” Beau said through clenched teeth. She was even stiffer than him as they twirled among the other guests. It was strange to see her with her hair down and lipstick on.

 

“Ja, that makes two of us.” He said and tried not to dry heave. That would be most unbecoming on a dancing floor, even more so than their stilted dancing.

 

“Where is this fucking Lord Dickhead?”

 

“Lord Sharp.”

 

“Who cares? Where is he?”

 

“Probably still in his study,” Caleb muttered and took an idle look around the room.

 

Their plan was a crap shoot to begin with, and he wasn't sure why he had agreed. That was a lie, he knew exactly why. Lord Sharp’s party was an ideal opportunity to distract him long enough to find dirt on him that could, in turn, be used to buy Jester the freedom to walk her hometown again. Nott and Jester would break into his office as soon as Lord Sharp joined the masses and look for anything incriminating, Fjord and Yasha were close by in case of an attack. Beauregard, being the reason they even got wind of the whole ordeal because “Tracy” got an indirect invitation from Zolezzo Merpal, who was hired security for the event, meaning she was stuck attending. Being the only one trained to actually dance, and conventional social etiquette made Caleb the least shitty option to join her. Caduceus was their back up, and additionally, was the one responsible to give Jester the signal when Lord Sharp chose to leave his private quarters.

 

It was what made the most sense and Caleb couldn’t resent their plan for that. He could resent it for several other reasons, however.

 

Like the way Beau attempted a flirtatious smile and wave over his shoulder at what he guessed to be Merpal. At least he and Beau didn’t have to pretend to be a couple, seeing as he looked old enough to pose as her uncle, who accompanied her on her “vacation” as a chaperone.

 

The song ended, and Caleb brought them to an abrupt stop on the dance floor before the last note faded completely.

 

“Should we mingle at the buffet?” He asked, and Beau clamped a death grip on his forearm.

 

“If we leave the dance floor, people will expect us to talk. I’d rather do this torture.” She said and straightened her spine for the next dance. Jester had tried to find something for Beau that was both appropriate and not too restrictive. It was a nice dress that Beau didn’t _hate,_ but it was also clear how uncomfortable she was not wearing pants. Caleb could relate. The collar of the uniform they had gotten for him made it difficult to breathe and reminded him of the days at the asylum.

 

“Fair point.” He said, and got ready for the next song to start. Which was when Lord Robert Sharp himself descended the stairs accompanied by his assistant, a young man who - as it had turned out - was too loyal to bribe. Another reason why Fjord couldn’t be here instead of Caleb, as the assistant surely would remember a handsome orc trying to find dirt on his employer. The band held off on playing as the host of the event formally addressed his guests. “So much for that,” Caleb said, and took out the copper wire from his coat pocket. Pretending to cough, he gave Caduceus the cue.

 

“Urg,” Beau muttered silently. “Guess it’s showtime.”

 

Caleb took a shaky breath. “It would appear so.” The Lord finished his address and the band resumed their playing as he began to personally greet a few of the guests. Their job now would be to make sure the Lord and his assistant would stay far away from the personal rooms until Jester and Nott were finished.

 

Caleb offered Beau his elbow to take, which she did after only mild confusion, and then they were off towards the small crowd gathering around the Lord.

 

“So, he’s like definitely into women, right? We know that?” Beau hissed at him.

 

“He was with the Ruby, so I’d say it is a safe bet, yes.” He whispered back.

 

Beauregard mumbled a few curses under her breath that had one of the other attending ladies looking scandalized at them. Caleb gave her his best impression of a long-suffering authority figure burdened by an unruly young woman. She turned her nose up at them but didn’t cause a scene so he called it a win.

 

The crowd around the Lord thinned to a point were they could approach to pay their due diligence as guests. They gave a polite bow and Beau thrust out her hand to the Lord with a limp wrist.

 

“I’m Tracy. It’s so nice to meet you.” She said in that weird pitch of voice, blinking rapidly, and Caleb felt the soul leave his body. This was a mistake.

 

Lord Sharp seemed bewildered, but not put off. He gently took Beauregard offered hand and blew a kiss on her knuckles, too focused on her abnormal expression to notice the scars on them.

 

“My pleasure, Miss- Tracy?”

 

“Widogast. Excuse my nieces’ behavior, she has already had some of the wonderful wine you’ve generously provided. Caleb Widogast. We are humbled by your invitation.” Caleb said, inclining his head to show submission and to hopefully distract from the sweat collecting at his brow.

 

Lord Sharp nodded and finally released Beau’s hand that she snatched away too rapidly. She covered it up with a painful sounding giggle.

 

“Right. Welcome to my humble home.”

 

“Oh stop! It’s like, so awesome!” Beau said twirling her hair between her fingers. “I bet it has, like, so many bedrooms.” She said and Caleb repressed a wince.

 

Lord Sharp chuckled, however. “Now, what a forward young lady. You are not from here, are you?” He directed his question at Caleb, and he could feel Beau’s grip tense on his arm.

 

“We are from the Empire. Nicodranas is a welcome change from the climate there.”

 

“Ha! I bet. With the war on the horizon. I truly do not envy King Dwendal. The cricks are known to be a formidable enemy.” Sharp said in good humor.

 

“The Empire will prevail, I’m sure,” Caleb said with a smile that made the bile rise in his throat.

 

One evening. He could pretend for one evening.

 

“If it doesn’t, the Clovis Concord will.” Lord Sharp’s assistant said, from where he had stood silently at his side for their entire conversation. He was a young man, blonde hair and plain features. His eyes were cold brown and they stared at the two of them with contempt. He oddly reminded Caleb of someone, but he couldn’t place who.

 

“Ah, my manners. This is my assistant, Erik. A gifted young man. Though not a fan of the Empire, I’m afraid.” Lord Sharp said, putting a hand on Erik’s shoulder and pushing him into their little circle. Beau did her fake giggle again and offered her hand to Erik, in the same manner, she had to the Lord. He lifted her hand to his mouth seeming to just be following through the motions. Caleb suspected this because the whole time he kept staring at Caleb.

 

“I would never expect everyone on the Menagerie Coast to be,” Caleb said against the lump in his throat. “We are, after all, just visitors here. There is no need for a political debate.”

 

“Of course. Enjoy yourselves, Mr. Widogast. Lady Tracy.” Lord Sharp said with a wink to Beauregard, and she made herself giggle at and turn away, bashful. “I now must see to my other guests, perhaps another word later?” He said as he moved on to the next row of guests.

 

Erik lingered for a second longer. “Yes, enjoy the event.” Were his parting words.

 

With an iron grip on his arm, Beau quickly dragged them away.

 

She shuddered as soon as they were far enough away. “I’m going to boil this slime off my skin later.”

 

Caleb only listened with half an ear. Erik was familiar somehow, and not just because Fjord had talked about him. He had seen him before. That much his memory was sure of. On the specifics as to were, he was hazier on. An event in Rexxentrum perhaps, when Erik would have been much younger? All those feasts they had been forced to attend blended into each other for him.  

 

“Yo, you still here?” Beau said with a none too gentle elbow to his side.

 

“Yes. Did his assistant seem-”

 

“Super intense? Yeah. Pretty sure the guy hates your guts.”

 

Caleb gave a high pitched hum in the back of his throat.

 

“Probably just really hates the Empire, right? Not super unusual.” She added quickly, throwing a look over her shoulder. When he followed her gaze, he caught Erik just as he was looking away from them.  

 

Caleb looked away with a slow deliberate breath to calm the growing unease in his chest.

 

There was a polite clapping as the band finished their last song, and there was a brief pause before they continued the next one.

 

Beau pressed her fingers into his arms. “Shit, Merpal is coming over here, quick.” She hissed and dragged him back towards the dance floor. He followed without protest. Stiff as they both were, they began the next dance and he noticed Merpal slinking back to his post, failing to be nonchalant about it. It would be funny if he weren’t on the verge of a breakdown.

 

“You still with me, Caleb?” Beau muttered as they swayed.

 

He nodded on autopilot. He was present. His body remembered every step of the dance, so they were able to perform the steps to the beat of the song being played. Beauregard was less adept at it but had proven to have retained more of their brief training session in the Lavish Chateau they had squeezed in before the party.

 

“I need you to talk to me because if you are going to have an episode, I need to know.”

 

“I’m fine.” He said.

 

“Okay.”

 

“Ok.”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Let’s just focus.” He said with a shaky breath and continued the dance with renewed focus.

 

How long could it possibly take to find dirt on a sleazy Lord? Jester and Nott had gotten the signal from them twenty-one minutes ago if Caduceus had used his sending spell right after they had sent the message. Jester would have them inside instantly with her Dimension Door, as the house was only warded against illusionary magic. A terrible oversight, Caleb had thought. It would have gone faster if Beauregard had been there, as she had been sure to mention several times before they had set off tonight, but Nott was adept at finding hidden things. Surely it wouldn’t be too long.

 

He stumbled only a little when Beauregard stood steadfast when he attempted to lead them into another spin. Only then did he notice that the next song had ended.

 

“Dude,” Beau said with a slight warning and a hint of concern.

 

“Must have gotten lost in thought.”

 

“Uh huh. Maybe we should check out the buffet after all. Might as well make use of the fancy prick’s money.” Beau said, and Caleb nodded, even though he felt like throwing up. Maybe trying to eat was better than dancing. At least then he would be occupied with keeping food down instead of letting his mind wander aimlessly.

 

However, before they could push through the crowd on the dance floor, someone stood in their way.

 

Erik stood there, no less intense, but he seemed calmer than it had before.

 

“May I ask for this dance, sir?” He asked with a slight bow towards Caleb. Beau threw him a look, and he swallowed hard.

 

“We were just-”

 

“Please, sir. I insist. I’m afraid I was quite rude to you tonight, and I wish to make amends.”

 

He wanted desperately to say no, but when he looked past Erik’s shoulder he could see Lord Sharp keeping an eye on them. He had sent the boy over for their tense conversation earlier. Caleb grits his jaw and gave Beauregard a nod.

 

“Of course.” He said and took Beauregard’s hand from his arm. One dance he could do.

 

The band began to play.

 

“I must apologize for my behavior earlier,” Erik said, as the first notes drifted through the room.

 

Caleb watched Beauregard as she parted the crowd, heading the opposite side of the room from Merpal.

 

“No need. I took no offense.” Caleb said, and he tried for confident. He wasn’t sure if he succeeded.

 

“Truly?” Erik said, and something in his tone made Caleb tense. “I heard the Empire doesn’t take too kindly to its enemies.”

 

His pulse was deafening in his ears, making it hard to follow the beat of the music. Did he? No. He must just be a kid, who hates the Empire. It wasn’t uncommon, especially outside of it.

 

“Unless you plan to attack the capital, I see no harm in voicing a little criticism.” He was glad that the uniform had come with cotton gloves. That way, at least his sweaty hands weren’t immediately obvious. Twenty-five minutes since Jester and Nott had entered. Still among the crowd, Lord Sharp was engaged in what appeared to be a riveting conversation now. He could do this, he was fine.

 

Erik made an amused sound, and without Caleb noticing, had taken the lead in their dance. “That’s curious. I recall you being quite upset about a little criticism last I saw you.”

 

The sound of the band was silent, his heartbeat completely overpowered it. His throat was dry, but slowly filling with saliva. He knew his hands started to shake but tightened his grip on Erik’s hand to mask it.

 

“I’m afraid I don’t remember meeting you before.” He said. His voice lacked any emotion, but it was better than the alternative.

 

“I’d assumed you wouldn’t. I’m sure for people like you, we’re all the same eventually.” Erik said and tightened his grip in return. He was definitely stronger than Caleb. “Does your ‘niece’ know what you earn your money with?”

 

“You must mistake me for someone else,” Caleb was desperate.

 

“I think I will forever remember your face,” Erik said, and the hatred in his eyes was enough to make Caleb stop in his tracks.

 

Mercifully, the band finished their song.

 

Erik stepped back from him in disgust, just as some people muttered among each other and exchanged partners.

 

“‘Scuse me.” Beau appeared at his side, looping her arm into his. “I gotta borrow my uncle here for a second.” She flashed Erik a smile that he ignored.

 

“Of course.” He said and turned on his heel.

 

Beau lead him away from the dance floor, guiding him through dancing pairs.

 

He couldn’t breathe. It was hard to see anything beyond the flurry of colors, the music, the laughter, swarming, swirling all around.

 

“The fuck was that all about?” She hissed at him when she finished leading them to a window overlooking the courtyard.

 

Caleb had to take a few gulping breaths, gripping the windowsill. His gloves were soaked with sweat.  

 

“He recognized me.” He said and felt a manic edge to it. Of course, he couldn’t outrun his past. What had he been thinking? It was right there, etched into his arms and stuck in his mind.

 

“What?” Beau whispered a shout, sounding hoarse from surprise.

 

A helpless laugh bubbled in his throat. It rattled from his lips like a shiver.

 

“I don’t remember him, is the thing. He looks familiar but-” He shook his head and closed his eyes. His infallible memory was his greatest asset and worst punishment. Yet, when he needed it, his memory failed him.

 

“Shit.”

 

“Hey, guys.” Caduceus’ deep voice came so close to them that Caleb couldn’t control the wince. Beau pushed her nails through the fabric of his clothes in an attempt to restrain him. He was barely holding it together as it was.

 

He couldn’t see Caduceus around them, knew it was a spell whispering in his mind, he just had to reassure himself.

 

“Jester and Nott triggered a trap and got locked in, they need help. Fjord and Yasha are already waiting in the hallway.” Twenty-five words exactly. Nothing cut off, no rambling.

 

“What is it?” Beau hissed. Caleb looked at the people around them, but the closest people were involved in the next dance and too far away to hear them.

 

“They need help. Something went wrong.” He whispered under his breath. “Do you see Erik anywhere?”

 

He and Beau turned from the window to the crowd, and he watched her scan the different faces intently, but he couldn’t bring himself to.

 

“No, but at least Lord Sharp seems to be occupied for the time being.” She said, and nodded towards the dance floor that the man was being dragged to be an enthusiastic young lady.

 

“Let’s get out of here, then.” He couldn’t be away from this room fast enough.

 

Knowing the layout of the building, after having a look around with Frumpkin the day before, turned out to be incredibly helpful in getting around the guards stationed to discourage people to delve further into the private chambers. They managed -surprisingly- to get by without being seen, and Caleb couldn’t help but feel relieved that something was going right tonight at least.

 

The further away from the ballroom they ventured, the easier it was to walk the halls. All the servants were busy and focused on the event which left the rest of the house mercifully empty.

 

After a few corners, they met Yasha and Fjord, standing in opposing doorway of the office, ready to drop into cover.

 

“Did Lord Sharp seem to notice anything?” Fjord asked, and Caleb felt himself relax a little at the sound of his voice. The absence of the crowd likely contributed to that as well.

 

“No, he was still busy with the guests when we left.” He said and began to examine the door that held Nott and Jester behind. Some sort of barrier had been triggered, and it shimmered softly through the door. Likely, it encased the entire room from the inside, trapping any thieves inside.

 

“His creepy assistant might be at large. We should hurry.” Beau added, her fists clenching and itching for a fight.

 

“Any ideas, Caleb?” Fjord asked, and appeared at his shoulder.

 

“Yes. Yasha, have you used your dispelling magic today?” He asked, and stepped aside.

 

Yasha already unsheathed the Magician’s Judge from her back, holding it against the door. A brief flash of light from the giant sword and the light faded. Caleb gently knocked on the wood as Yasha sheathed her sword.

 

“Is it open?” He asked, and immediately the knob turned.

 

“Oh gosh, thank you, guys,” Jester whispered. “Do we have to run?”

 

“Seems clear for now, did you find anything yet?” Fjord peered into the room.

 

“No. Nothing.”

 

“Wait. Shh.” Beauregard hissed.

 

They all didn’t dare to move as she looked down the hallway they had come.

 

And there, unbelievably faint. Footsteps.

 

Fjord put a finger over his lips and pushed them all inside the office, closing the door impossibly softly behind him.

 

“Nott, can you relock the door?” Nott scrambled over to them, her tools ready.

 

Yasha walked over to the window opposite the door, but Caleb knew they were on the second floor. A fall from this height would neither be easy nor stealthy for all of them except Beauregard and Nott. Oh, this was not good. The footsteps were getting louder.

 

“Hide, I have an idea,” Caleb said quietly.

 

“You sure?” Fjord asked, and he could see them all hesitating.

 

“We don’t have time, yes, I’m sure.” He urged and watched them scramble underneath the desk and into corners. Beauregard came to stand at his side, and the look on her face dared him to say something about it.

 

The others hid as best they could, Yasha standing behind the door of all places, but it would have to do.

 

“Should we like, fake make out or something?” Beau whispered.

 

“We posed as family, I don’t think-”

 

“Is that worse than getting caught stealing?”

 

“I-”

 

The steps stopped in front of the door, and he felt the entire room hold their breath.

 

A rattle on the doorknob, and for a second, Caleb prayed to one of the gods that the simple lock would deter anyone who tried to enter.

 

The gods had never listened to him.

 

A key turned in the lock, clicking it open instantly.

 

Bathed in the light of the hallway, was Lord Sharp’s assistant, Erik.

 

He bared his teeth in a predatory smile.

 

“And you have the gall to pretend to be ignorant.” He said and stepped inside. There were no guards behind him, but if he was smart, he had alerted them anyway. They had minutes before all hell would break loose, and they had nothing to show for it. A waste of time.

 

“We must have gotten turned around.” He gave in a weak defense. It was pointless to pretend anymore, but stalling long enough might give the others an idea on how to deal with this. His head was blank.

 

“Please don’t insult my intelligence on top of everything you’ve already done to me.” He said and now the superior mask had fallen, replaced by fury.

 

“He’s right, there’s no need to lie anymore,” Beauregard said, dropping her Tracy act. “We are not here on vacation. We’ve been sent by the Empire to evaluate whether or not Lord Sharp would be suited for an alliance.”

 

“Oh, I know exactly why the Empire sent you. You don’t make allies, _you_ come to clean up.” Erik said and stepped inside the room. He was so focused on Caleb that he didn’t seem to notice Yasha looming behind the open door.

 

“There is a war going on, we need all the allies we can get,” Beau said, but Caleb could see her lie was not fooling this man.

 

“Is this a demotion or promotion for you, I wonder?” He asked Caleb. Where did he know this face? How did this man know him, how had he drawn his ire? Why couldn’t he remember?

 

“I assure you-you have me mistaken with someone else. I am sure I would remember if we had met before.”

 

Erik closed the door behind him without looking back. He seemed to have no fear of entering the room alone against them. There was something mad in his eyes.

 

“I’ll remember the face of the man who murdered my parents forever.”

 

Caleb’s arms seemed to burn. He couldn’t breathe.

 

Beau remained carefully impassive next to him, showing no reaction, but he knew she was tensed for a fight.

 

Caleb wished for a knife in his throat.

 

“You didn’t see me, they hid me under the floorboards, you see. They knew you would come.” There was a hint of an accent now, shining through, that Erik had carefully concealed all night thus far.

 

Somewhere north, but he couldn’t place it yet. Parents, he thought. He had killed some. Several. Parents with Erik’s features. It must have been shortly before the experiments had started. It was on the tip of his tongue, he realized with shocking apathy. How could he forget? How could he not instantly remember?

 

“You all were so thorough. Three days, I think. Until they stopped screaming, and you were finally satisfied.” Erik shook his head as if to remove himself from the memory. Caleb could almost see the man detach himself from it so he could stay sane. He recognized it from himself.

 

“All because they complained too loudly about the outrageous tax raise on the farmers.”

 

Caleb closed his eyes for a second. Felt the floor disappear beneath his feet and the stare of the other's eyes stabbing at his skin. Pinpricks of daggers. Dragging across scarred tissue.

 

“Samuel and Annika Bromiln. I remember now.” He said quietly when his mind finally narrowed it down. He had been bald, like Eodwulf at the time. Her hair had been the same shade of brown as her son’s. It had signed when Astrid had her in her shocking grasp. She had only learned the spell the day before and had been so excited to try it.

 

Next to him, Beauregard breathed out a soft curse.

 

“You do remember. That is the most surprising of all, I have to confess.” Erik said and lifted his hand. In it was one of the firearms he recognized from Hupperdook. It seemed more advanced in the dark, but that might be the fear, playing tricks on him. “I’m afraid I won’t have as much time as you had with them. But this should put their ghosts to rest.” He said, and aimed.

 

He only got one shot off before Yasha slammed her fist into the back of his head. Erik crumbled instantly.

 

The sound of the explosion still rang in his ears, rooting him in his spot.

 

“We need to go. Now.” Beau was the first to move. She pushed the cabinet next to the door in front of it to block it off and behind him, he heard someone scramble to open the window in his back.

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jester emerge from behind the desk next to Fjord, her eyes wide and confused and so heartbroken.

 

“Caleb?”

 

“Later,” Yasha said, taking the gun from the unconscious Erik and heading for the window. Loud voices and a barrage of footsteps came closer and closer from the hall. Everyone must have heard the shot go off.

 

He couldn’t move, couldn’t look away from Erik’s slumped form. His parents had been just as limp at the end. Though there had been more blood.

 

At the edge of his consciousness, he heard Nott say ‘Take him, please,’ and shortly after felt Jester’s hands gently touch his biceps. She was gentler than he deserved.

 

In a puff of purple smoke, the room disappeared and in a blink, they stood outside the mansion grounds, Caduceus looking up from where he sat close by on the ground.

 

“Ah, that didn’t go so well, eh?” He asked and stood up. From their position, they could see the others scramble out the window. Nott and Beau as graceful as cats, and Fjord holding onto Yasha for dear life as she jumped out. They were all well enough to run, so there seemed to be no injuries.

 

“We gotta go,” Jester said and her voice was impossibly meek. So utterly unnatural for her.

 

He couldn’t breathe. His fingers flew to the buttoned-up collar around his throat. It was choking him.

 

“Okay, now.” He felt Caduceus hand on his back, rubbing soothing circles between his shoulder blades and he stumbled forward to escape the comfort. He didn’t deserve this. Caduceus didn’t know, he shouldn’t be comforting him.

 

The others caught up to them. Beau had ripped into the skirt of her dress to make it easier to run in on the way there. She grabbed Caleb before the others could voice any protest they must have had about taking him with them. He was disgusting.

 

“We gotta get back to the Chateau, quick.” Fjord said, and nobody disagreed. They ran through the streets of Nicodranas, the music of the party fading away.


	2. Chapter 2

The Lavish Chateau was almost deserted when they returned, all the guests have retreated to their rooms or to their homes, now hours after Marion’s last show. There was nobody around to question their hasty return or the state of them. Bluth let them upstairs with only an absent-minded nod.

 

In the corner of his eye, he saw Fjord pull Caduceus aside, likely to fill him in of what had transpired. Caleb watched it with a detached dread. His mind was playing Erik’s words over and over again, turning them over, examining them from different angles. There was little room for interpretation. The others had to have an idea of exactly what kind of person he was now. All these months, a waste of time. He shouldn’t have bothered. He knew this was going to happen. Maybe they wouldn’t try to kill him, maybe they would just let him go.  

 

Caleb tried to calm himself and think. He still had all his spells and camping on the road wouldn’t be an issue, but he wouldn’t be able to take a cart or horse. He wouldn’t get far out of Nicodranas after a day like this, regardless. The mountain pass was going to be difficult on his own, but he would manage somehow. Maybe back to the Empire wasn’t the best idea. Maybe further north was better, along the coast.

 

Nott pressed against his leg and took his hand anchoring him in the halls they walked through.

 

She would come with him if he asked, that much he was still sure of. But was he that selfish? To take her away from this? People that accepted her, and fought for her, people that were kind. Caleb already knew the answer.  

 

He was better on his own, anyway. Less complicated that way. Less ammunition against him when they found him. This way the worst they could do was kill him. _It wasn’t the worst they could do._

 

“You’re bleeding,” Nott said gently. Without him noticing, she had herded him into their room and pushed him to sit on the bed.

 

There was a dull pain in his shoulder that he had been ignoring, but it was hard to deny the facts. It hadn’t been a bad hit, Erik had been distracted and barely hit him. The uniform was definitely ruined. It was hard to tell if it was blood or sweat trickling down his back but likely a combination of both. Now that they weren’t walking, he couldn’t ignore the pain as easily as before.  

 

The others spilled into the room. Jester was already at his side, her holy symbol glowing softly.

 

She put her hand over the bleeding wound in his shoulder before he could tell her not to bother. The warm energy flowed through him, warming the icy pit of his stomach as the bullet still stuck inside forced its way out of his flesh. Jester grimaced and let out a quiet “ew” as Beau leaned over her shoulder to watch. A few moments later, Jester held the dented bullet between bloodstained fingers.

 

“Well, there you go,” Jester said, holding the dented metal ball up. She made a weak attempt at her usual cheerfulness but it was clouded by confusion and worry and Caleb was harshly reminded that he had caused this.

 

“That’s pretty gross.” Beau said, immediately followed by, “Can I have it?” She held her hand out and Jester gave it to her.

 

“Why would you want it?” Fjord asked, bewildered.

 

Beau shrugged. “I dunno. Do you want it? I guess It’s kinda ball-like.” She held it out to him.

 

Jester pulled an even bigger grimace. “You don’t want to swallow that, do you, Fjord?”

 

“Ew, that thing has been inside Caleb, dude.” Beau pulled a mirror grimace of Jester.

 

“I- what? No. No, I do not. I don’t want to swallow it.” Fjord assured them hastily.  

 

“Then why don’t you want me to have it?” Beau asked, mock-serious.

 

Fjord took a deep breath and Caleb felt himself relax a little during their banter. He was going to miss this.

 

“I don’t care if you want the piece of scrap she just dug out of Caleb. I’m just questioning why you’d want it.” Fjord said.

 

“It is pretty cool,” Caduceus threw in with a gentle smile.

 

“Could make some nice jewelry with that, probably,” Yasha said, nodding along.

 

“Oh, like a necklace? String it up?” Nott mused. “Or maybe a ring. You could punch someone with it!”

 

Beau’s face lit up at the idea. “Oh, hell yeah, I should do that.” She threw the bullet into the air and caught it with great enthusiasm.

 

“Okay, can we all focus now? I feel like we need to talk about what the fuck happened tonight.” Fjord said, raising his voice slightly to stop the muttering that would usually follow. Silence immediately fell over them. Jester avoided looking at Caleb. It wasn’t an observation he enjoyed.

 

“What’s there to talk about? Some dude shot Caleb and blew our cover. Big deal.”  Beau crossed her arms over her chest and stepped a little closer to Caleb’s side. It was small comfort to know that she tried to defend him.

 

“Well, for one, he attacked him specifically. With a mighty big reason too. If we need to expect more of this, we need to know.” Fjord said, ever the practical. Of course. Caleb had put them all in danger, omitted vital information. Even if he hadn’t expected this particular person, there was no telling now how many like Erik were out there. Caleb remembered exactly how many people they had interrogated in his time at the academy but most of the time they hadn’t known about their families. He didn’t know. He hadn’t cared to know back then.

 

And now he had ruined Jester’s best chance to get the freedom to walk the streets of her home, with her head held high and without a disguise. Them putting off the meeting with Marius for nothing.

 

Everything he touched turned to ash.

 

Jester looked at him, her eyes woefully tragic. “Did he tell the truth? Did you really kill his parents?”

 

He opened and closed his mouth multiple times, trying to think of what to say. He could lie, he was good at that. Could deny it. Could tell the truth. Fjord was right.

 

Caleb sighed and looked at Nott, seeing a pitying and woeful smile on her face. His eyes found the intricate ceiling of the Lavish Chateau. It was easier to look at.

 

“In the end, it was hard to tell what finally did it but I definitely contributed.” Caleb heard himself say from far away, removed from his own body. The gasps were muted, the looks of horror distorted. He barely felt Nott’s presence at his side.

 

“Oh,” Jester said. She heaved a deep breath. “But they were bad people, right?”

 

He had to laugh. It was soundless. As if his vocal cords didn’t grant him the pleasure. “I don’t know.”

 

“Maybe, like, take it from the top, you know. Give some context, maybe. That’s just an idea.” Beau told him, and her voice was strangely soft. She was close enough that he could feel her presence at his other side, opposite Nott. Trapped.

 

He licked his lips, swallowed the bile rising in his throat and nodded for a while. Trying to gather his thoughts.

 

Oh, it had been nice for them to believe him a decent person.

 

“I’m from Rexxentrum,” he said, knotting his fingers together, gaze steady on his hands. “I was a student at the Soltryce Academy. I was handpicked to serve the Empire by one of the teachers there. We were taught to protect the Empire against threats at all costs.” He had to swallow against the lump in his throat, stumbling over every other word. ”If someone needed interrogating, then we did so. If they needed executing then- well.” He lifted his hand to gesture but let it fall quickly. Caleb forced himself to look up and find Fjord’s gaze. “I didn’t expect anyone here to recognize me. I never met him before.”

 

Fjords face was carefully structured attentiveness, but underneath he could see pity. It was too much to bear. Instead, he looked to Yasha. She wasn’t as idealistic as the others, he gathered. Perhaps this surprised her, but it didn’t shock her.

 

“I remember-”, he tapped his temple. “Everyone that we interrogated.” Usually, he didn’t think about it. Couldn’t, really. The specters of his parents were overbearing and ever-present in the forefront of his mind, much more so than any unruly farmhand or declared traitor that had come under his hands. Careless. Old wounds stung at the thought of the punishment he would have received back then for such an oversight. “But I never saw him. Erik. I don’t know how many would recognize my face. That’s why I’m usually-“ he gestured vaguely toward his face, now devoid of his scruff and the usual dirt.

 

“Stinky and dirty?” Jester said, and only now did he dare to look at her.

 

He gave her a pressed smile. “Yeah.” He nodded.

 

“That explains a lot.” She said, gnawing on her lip. Her hands were fidgeting with her symbol of the traveler. Caleb hoped it gave her some comfort.

 

“You said you were a student.” Fjord said carefully. “How old were you?” He asked.

 

“Old enough to know better.” Was all he could say. “I ran away, eventually. I have been on the run since.”

 

“Soltryce- isn’t that the place you are trying to get to, Fjord?” Jester said.

 

Fjord dropped his arms from where they had been folded in front of his chest. “Yeah. It is- it was.” He scratched the back of his neck. “When you said it was rough there, this wasn’t what I had imagined.”

 

“Some of the people there are good. It’s a great place for learning. Just, some of them are… not good.” He had to clear his throat though it made it no easier to talk. “You actually met my old teacher back in Zadash. After we fought in the Victory Pit.” He looked at Yasha and saw her tense.

 

“Ikithon.” She said gravely.

 

“Oh shit, that guy? He’s like super evil?” Jester asked with a gasp, turning to Caleb. He didn’t quite know how to respond to that.

 

“Sounds pretty mean if he made you do these things, yeah.” Caduceus chimed in. His usual serene expression was oddly serious, and his deep drawl was hard.

 

“We chose to. Were proud to. Anything for the Empire.” He echoed the words and they rang hollow. He had been so sure. “That man back there had every right to shoot me for what I’ve done.”

 

“I don’t know about that-” Beau started to protest, but he cut her off.

 

“If I had killed your parents, wouldn’t you do the same?” He asked, his heart racing. Now he searched her gaze.

 

Beau looked at him, her eyes far away. She shrugged. “Probably not. I dunno. My folks and I aren’t close.” Her hands folded in front of her chest. In the uncomfortable dress, looking so unlike herself, it seemed more defensive that she likely intended. Deflecting, she was always deflecting, but who was he to judge?

 

He turned to Jester. “If I had been told your mother were a traitor to the Empire I would have killed her, without hesitating. That’s the kind of person I am. This is the person that has been traveling with you. I’ve been lying to you, this entire time.” _Using you, as he would_ , his mind whispered at him. He dragged a hand through his hair and opened the collar of his shirt as it tried to strangle him. The silence that followed after was just as suffocating. He wanted to run, pace, move. Instead, Caleb buried his face in his hands, his fingers clenching in his scalp. Wanting to rip his own skull open.

 

“Would you now?” He heard Fjord say and looked up at the half-orc.

 

“What?”

 

“Would you kill Jester’s mother now, without hesitating.”

 

“No,” he said vehemently, shaking his head. He looked at Jester with as much sincerity as he could muster. “No.” He said, again just for her.

 

“I think that says more about what kind of person you are,” Fjord added, and Caleb couldn’t look at him. Always the diplomatic one.

 

Jester worried the bottom of her lip between her teeth. Her fingers traced the holy symbol of the Traveler on her belt unconsciously. Caleb wondered if her God was watching, if he was real. For once, Jester seemed to be at loss for words. Her eyes were gazing around the room, never settling on anything. She had moved away from him during their conversation.

 

“I mean…” she took a deep breath, her hand closing around her holy symbol. “I don’t think you’d hurt any of us on purpose. And like if you want to be evil - that’s fine! Just you know, tell us beforehand.” Jester finally looked at him, her eyes pleading.

 

“I don’t want to be evil.” He said, impossibly quiet. He wasn’t sure if any of them had even been able to hear it until Jester replied.

 

“So it’s all good then!” Jester shrugged. “I mean, it’s not good that you did that stuff, but you are not doing that anymore, so.”

 

Caleb felt like laughing, like crying. It couldn’t be this easy. Jester was shrugging it off like he had just stepped on her foot. She clapped her hands together.

 

“I think I’m going to go sleep now.”

 

“We should probably all go to sleep. It’s been a long day.” Caduceus said.

 

“We can go looking for Marius LePual tomorrow, keep a low profile, let this die down a bit.” Fjord nodded.

 

They didn’t understand, none of them did. Caleb’s mind was racing frantically in circles as they all left the room and said goodnight. Beau punched him in the shoulder in a friendly manner when she passed him, ripping at the tattered remains of her skirt before she even reached the door. Jester following close behind her, offering to help. Yasha gave him a quiet nod and a look of understanding that made him uncomfortable to think about. Caduceus was back to his serene smile and a heartfelt “Goodnight.”

 

Fjord was the only one that stayed behind.

 

“Caleb, you got a minute? Alone.” Fjord asked and Nott glared up at him.

 

She tensed at his side, ready to intervene, but he squeezed her hand. “Sure.” He forced himself to stand on his shaky legs and went out the door with Fjord. He saw the tail-end of the others disappearing into their respective rooms before the hallway was deserted.

 

Fjord walked to the end of the hallway, away from their shared rooms. Likely not wanting anyone to eavesdrop on the following conversation.

 

Caleb wanted this night to be over, but he knew it wasn’t going to be any time soon. Especially not if he wanted to get out of the city as soon as possible. Fjord’s hands kept hovering close to his elbow or waist, like he wanted to usher him along but stopped just shy of actually touching him. Caleb could understand. He’d be disgusted with himself too.

 

They stopped next to the window at the end of the hall, the receding moonlight painting harsh shadows. Fjord opened his mouth to speak, but Caleb interrupted him with a raised hand.

 

“You don’t have to say anything.” He said softly and noted with a detached curiosity that his hands were steady. “I was going to wait until they were asleep.”

 

Fjord just frowned at him. “Wait for what?”

 

“I shouldn’t be around you all, today has proved that.”

 

“You-you're leaving?”

 

“You said it yourself, I’m a danger to the group. I thought- it doesn’t matter.” Caleb shook his head.

 

Fjord breathed heavily. “Caleb-”, he said, his voice deeper than before. “Tonight was dangerous. But more to you than to us. We were- we are worried. I don’t think any of us want to see you go.” Fjord was staring at him intently. “And you know Beau would have said so if she did. That wasn’t what I wanted to talk about.” He said, tongue darting out to wet his lower lip in nervous energy. Caleb had to look away.

 

Outside the window, the lights of the city were muted by the late hour. He wondered if Erik was going to come looking for him, if he would search the city. Maybe he would tell Lord Sharp everything he knew. It wouldn’t take too long to find him, he hadn’t been careful enough. Another mistake.

 

“Listen,” Fjord said, the tone of his voice demanding attention, even if the volume raised barely above a whisper. Still conscious of the place they were in. “When the Iron Shepards took us- I didn’t think that any of you would come for me.” He ducked his head, sounding sheepish and embarrassed. “Jester and Yasha, of course, but- What do I bring to the table, right? And with the- _differences_ you and I had had in the past.” Caleb almost didn’t want to look at Fjord but found himself unable not to when he was baring his thoughts like this. “I thought you, of all of them, wouldn’t come, or maybe even if you did, hold it over my head. But you came, y’all rolled up like big damn heroes, and didn’t ask for a single thing in return.” Now Caleb had to look away.

 

Caleb wanted to believe the thought of leaving any of them in Lorenzo’s clutches was ridiculous, but he couldn’t lie to himself about the fact that he had considered it. In retrospect, he had wondered sometimes if it would have changed anything if he had left that night at the campfire. But demanding compensation for their rescue hadn’t even occurred to him. Especially not after Molly.

 

“That’s the Caleb I’ve come to know.” Fjord continued. “Whoever the old Caleb was, this one matters to me- to us, I mean.” He cleared his throat. Suddenly awkward.

 

“There is no old Caleb. Caleb is not my real name.” He blurted out.

 

“Oh.” Fjord blinked.

 

“I should have told Nott first, she deserves to know. I - I don’t know why I said that.” Caleb realized, a little aghast. Maybe it because it felt like he had owed Fjord something for sharing this with him. None of them had ever really talked about their captivity, afraid to upset the fragile equilibrium. Caleb couldn’t remember the last time Fjord and he even had a conversation that felt as significant as this one without anyone pointing weapons at the other.

 

“My lips are sealed, but you know. It’s even more accurate now.” Fjord said with a slight comforting smirk.

 

Caleb huffed a laugh on the closer side of the hysteric. He scrubbed a hand over his face. All he wanted to do now was pass out and forget tonight had ever happened.

 

“I actually just wanted to ask if you were okay after tonight.” Fjord said. “That’s why I wanted to talk.”

 

“I’m fine,” Caleb told him, rolling his previously injured shoulder. The freshly healed skin pulled uncomfortably but from previous experience, he wouldn’t even feel it anymore by tomorrow. “Jester healed me.”

 

“That’s not- okay.” Fjord sighed a little, shaking his head in exasperation.

 

Caleb studied him in the dim light and was painfully aware of the limitations of his human eyes. He wondered if Fjord could see more than him, and maybe that was why he felt so vulnerable. Could he see the terror settled deep in his skin, the exhaustion under his eyes? Maybe he could. Maybe that’s why he was concerned. Caleb had prided himself on being a good liar, yet here he was, laid bare by circumstance.

 

“I will still need to get out of the city,” Caleb said slowly, testing the waters. “I don’t think Erik will stop looking for me now.” He didn’t want to leave and he didn’t think any of the others did, despite their own safety. It would be a smart choice to go.

 

Maybe he felt like being a little foolish.

 

Fjord nodded gravely. “We’ll see what we find out about Marius tomorrow. Maybe the clues will lead us elsewhere anyway. We’ll be more careful, promise.”

 

Caleb searched his face, trying to gauge his intentions, but he only found earnest care.

 

He nodded, a little numb. “Okay.”

 

“We’ll make it work right?” Fjord said.

 

He couldn’t suppress the smile that broke out on his lips at that phrase. “We’ll make it work.” He echoed.

 

They would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and its done! beau is my favorite character to write dialogue for not going to lie
> 
> but yes, many thanks again to my wonderful beta EchoedMusic and everyone who enjoyed this story! i hope you also enjoyed the conclusion

**Author's Note:**

> "Hallende Tanzschritte" is german for "echoing dancing steps"
> 
> This story was a request by my long time friend and beta reader and overall amazing EchoedMusic! She wanted some Caleb Backstory reveal prior to the name drop and I somehow ended up with 4k words of Beau and Caleb dancing around a fancy party. Part two will have more angst, the setup got kind of long. 
> 
> This is takes place after the sewers but before meeting Marius but I gave Jester two level 4 dimension doors because they had just reached that level when I wrote this sooo this is just how it is now.


End file.
